I can only imagine the places where it had been And what it had done In unknown whereabouts and abandoned warehouses Dangerous fun But I hold the thought it's somewhere licking its paws Waiting for my call Wandering at ease, the backstreets and alleys It's all my fault Then you let love in, I thought it was gone for good
This may not make any sense. I’m still trying to make sense of it myself.
I don’t think my brain works the same as my friends’ brains, and it makes me feel like there’s a part of life that I am missing. It’s like they all see bright, beautiful colors, and all I see is dull and boring. It’s like all I have to bring to the table is my sarcasm and no-bullshit attitude. Whereas they have creativity, ideas, and lovely thoughts. I feel boring in comparison to put it bluntly. I can’t help it.
They reinforce these thoughts by little comments here and there. They probably don’t know that I take it in the ways I do, or that they hurt my feelings since I try and laugh it off. An example would be, one day Brandon and Korbyn were idly talking about what type of benders they would be. Brandon and I instantly agreed that Korbyn would be a water bender, because that’s a very artistic bending, which reminds us of her. Then Korbyn said Brandon would be either earth or fire, and I thought he would be earth. Then she asked what I would be. I thought about it, and I couldn’t see myself as any of them so I said “I wouldn’t”, and he agreed by saying, “yeah, I don’t think she would be.” Even though I thought it too, it still hurt a bit to hear it confirmed that I’m not the same as them. It’s sort of the same with My Little Pony, too. I like the one that no one else does because of her attitude. She doesn’t think outside the box, and she doesn’t seem to stand out a lot in most episodes. They don’t miss any chance to let me know that she’s the bitch of the ponies, and I already know I can be a bitch a lot, but that’s just how I’ve adapted to everything.
The biggest thing is that I feel like I’m missing something. I don’t know how to change that line of thought. I have all these stupid comparisons in my head, aside from the cartoons. I wouldn’t be able to take any hallucination type drug, because of how my mind works. I’ve been told by one of my more closer friends that likes acid, that I probably wouldn’t have a good trip because I wouldn’t know how to. I see that being totally true. Everyone else I know would be able to go with it and even though it’s so stupid to care, I do.
I don’t want to feel like this anymore but I can’t pretend to see what the rest of you do because it would be like pretending to understand a foreign language. Like when I was in orchestra and started out playing the violin, but I couldn’t read the music because it literally made zero sense to me. Then I switched to the cello and it was so simple that I thought maybe I just didn’t try hard enough at the violin. (It still makes no sense)
I don’t know how to make this better. I don’t know if I can.
Yo its’ okay if you’re a white girl who likes Uggs and spray tans and pop music and instagramming your Starbucks. Don’t let tumblr make you think for one minute that liking things like that makes you inferior.
Same goes for if you’re a hipster trans mexican/japanese Pizza Underground enthusiast with a hello kitty neck tattoo.
If you’re not hurting anyone, you be you. There’s nothing wrong with that.